Hatred from the Heart
by Clinicly Insane
Summary: Rating will go up in future chapters. Yami Yugi is in a state of depression after his defeat with Seto Kaiba. Relizing that it is but his own fault, he goes all out in a frantic search for truth, or at least for what he has lost. His heart.
1. Where is my trust?

Insane: This is just a fic to relieve me of my writer's block that I'm having. My other two stories have been blocked from my hed-___-U

Yami Malik: Don't own Yugioh! UmAnd this fic takes place after the second duel with Yami Yugi and Seto KaibaOMG! O_o;; It's a Ymai Yugi fic?!??!?!

Yami Bakura: -___-U Don't worry. I'm in it too. You wont be borred for a very long time.

Yami Malik: O_oYami Yugi?!?!? Who possessed Insane to write about him?!?!?

~*~*~*~*~

I starred down from nothingness at my hikari, my oh so petite aibou. It actually hurt now and days to look at his face, so I was settled with the top of his head, sometimes his back. I don't know exactly why I can't look at his bright, joy filled, loving eyes, I just can't. Not anymore. 

I'm to ashamed, to embarrassed. BesidesHe wouldn't look at me even if I did look into his eyes, his mind, his soul. Why could I have not just beaten that low life, Seto Kaiba? It's his faultnot mine. This is why, it has to be. 

I would have even settled for second, if only I did notno. It is not me who possess the sin, the betrayal, the hatredis it? I lay in thin air pondering such a ridiculous question. 

I am the Pharaoh of Egypt. I am the protector, the guardian. But I feel as if I cower, as if I am the one being protected, and not protecting the heir of the puzzle, dear sweet Yugi. Am I, Yugi's dark, his Yami, not Seto, the real villain? Have I changed so much these past hundreds of years? Or was I always this demanding of respect, of glory, of victory? No. I won't believe it, cant believe it, it can't be true. It just can't be true. 

As I stare down upon the one they call Yugi Mouto, as I call whatever I feel he is at the moment, I cant help but try to just get a glimpse of his large, illuminating eyes. How I long for the power which I had but only five or so hours ago. 

But I have been sealed back within both the wretched prison which people call the Millennium Puzzle, as I call the living hell, and also I have been locked, possibly forever, within the back of my precious hikari's peace loving mind. The only one I feel I have ever been able to call brother, a friend...had turned his back on me. 

I have been but a pawn in his game, to rescue a love one. But I'd rather be a player of an amusing, not so difficult game, then be a player in life. I despise life. Life is what hurts me. Life is what killed me. Life is what I lack. I shall never clench the energy of Mother Nature within my palm ever again. But I feel it is not me who took Life itself away from my once breathing body. No. It was the wretched fools who sought to rule, to conquer, to destroy, the world as I knew it, as Yugi knows itthere I go againam I always blaming? Am I that proud? Am I that cold hearted that I'd actually blame my own faults on Life, on Seto, on people? It is their faultisn't..?

I slowly tried to press an invisible hand upon Yugi's shoulder. But I withdrew it when I could since energy flowing through his veins. Was thishate? Was my own hikari, my aibouhating me? I knew he was angry with me, but I never had sensed hatred from him. I had actually never sensed hatred what so ever. I was to headstrong to even sense love. 

How I hate being here, within the Puzzle, within Yugi Mouto, within the game of Life. I always hated it. Even when I had lived, as the high ruler of my time, I had hated it. Most people would think of me as crazy for hating it. I don't blame them. I had everything alasat the same time I nothing. My parents died when I was but a child. When I was young I envied everything that common city dwellers, peasants, scoundrels, had. They had what I did not. A family. I was alone, both physically and mentally. I hated it. 

I was pharaoh. It was my job to have everything I desired. Why could I not have the simplest things? Love? Happiness? Friendship I lacked these three basics. Love, which I never had received in my life, other than from my parents before they passed away, and Yugi, but his love soon ended for me. 

I had lacked happiness from get go. Both of my parents had died for stupid, pathetic, worthless reasons. They were royal. They were suppose to be invincible. But no. No one stood up to me, nor my father. I hated this. I wanted people to fear me, yes. But I wanted fear as in a respect. Not in a horrified since. Oh look! It's the Pharaoh! Run for the hills before he sends you to the Shadow Realm or sick his guards on you! I had never once sent a person to the Shadow Realm when I was alive, nor had I ever been seen with guards at my heels. How weak people had been. Even I was, but I didn't realize this until I learned the meaning of friendship. 

I had known friendship before I met Yugi and his friends. But I do not consider his friends my own. They do not even know I exist. 

When I was around my so-called teenager years, as Yugi would say, I knew a few people. I cant get over how much they looked like the present day people Yugi knows. There was Seth, high mage of the Egyptian empire. He was my rival, as Seto is Yugi's. He wasn't exactly a friend. He was more like myis classmate the right word? We bickered more than anything. But I had always enjoyed this. It made me feel as if I wasn't in higher rank than everyone else, like I was equal with the world. I felt as if I was no longer YuGiOh the Pharaoh, but YuGiOh, plain simple YuGiOh. It was always a desired feeling, to know you had the slight chance of knowing you could indeed lose to your opponent, that you weren't guaranteed to win. Those moments are cherished by myself, and always will be.

Then there was Teana. Oh glorious Teana. She was so beautiful, so humble, and at the same time loyal. She was always there for me. She is much like present day Tea Gardner. Always cheering people on, to be the best that they could be. I like this, but when you were destined to win at everythingit got old very quickly. 

And my best friend, Jono. Present day Joey Wheeler acted nothing like my old friend. Jono was much to serious to have Joey as his reincarnation, thus I do not believe they are one and the same. Jono, like Teana, was always there for me, or at least I hoped. I couldn't help but wonder if people only protected me with friendship, was because they were afraid of me.

And last was surprisingly my present day enemy, and the one who can relate more than anyone else. Bakura. He, like me, is corrupted. But he is much to corrupted to learn what even friendship means. I was corrupted by the evil darkness which does happen to lie within my prison, the Millennium Puzzle. He was corrupted by blind hate. I feel as if I too will be lured by the demons, to be driven into udder insanity, if I do not receive forgiveness. Bakura hadn't received love during his entire life. 

His parents despised every ounce of him, people hated him, royals hated him, and I as well, despised his very existence. Strangely I cant help but despise those who beat him, who spat at him, who basically stripped him of his life. Because I too did not live the life I wanted to live. I can't help but almost blame his torture upon myself, for I, like those idiots, also hit him across the cheek. When I had made him bleed that day, I was blinded by wretched plague-ful hate. But it was not for him. It was my own hate, hate of myself. 

My heart was not where it belonged at the time. It was thinking when my brain had exploded from all the thinking, all the pressure I had been going through for the past ten or so years. I still cannot remember why I had struck him. In fact, I cant remember half of my life.

This is where I wonderHad I just been remembering all the hatred I had bottled up? Did I have this wonderful life? Had this single incident with Seto Kaiba, with the betrayal I had bestowed upon Yugi Mouto, unleashed my demon? My hate?

~*~*~*~

Insane: . 

Yami Bakura:

Yami Malik:

Malik:

Ryou:

Yami Insane: WhereGod's green earth did that come from?

Yami Malik:And I thought I was psychoticHe's got some issues to work out 

Yami Bakura: O_o no kidding

Yami Malik: *shakes head* Ermreview if ya like. Need 7 reviews to continueThis took a very long time to write ya know 


	2. Why must I suffer?

Insane: You guys are enjoying this? (Just skim to the ~*~*~ if ya don't wanna read this part)

Yami Yugi: WHY?! 

Yami Bakura: -.-. I like Pharaoh angst…hehehe…

Yami Yugi:…why?

Yami Malik: ^^ Tiss the season to confess your deepest darkest demons! Fa la la la!

Yami Yugi: O_ Why?

Yami Bakura: Shut up with the whys.

Yami Yugi: Why?

Yami Bakura: Because I said so.

Yami Yugi: Why?

Yami Bakura: Because you're annoying me.

Yami Yugi:…why?

Yami Bakura: . …DIE! *slaps Yami Yugi with another chapter of angst*

Yami Yugi: X_x…why?

Yami Bakura: O_o…

Insane: Just leave him alone…

Yami Yugi: W-…why?

adddbaddd

Insane: .;; I DON'T KNOW!

Yami Bakura: -__- I'm gonna' go hey wire on you, boy.

Yami Malik: O_o… While they settle their…erm…differences, please note that Different is beautiful. I have a degree in being different-

Yami Yugi: THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR HOMICIDAL!

Yami Malik: -.-. I rest my case…moving on… As a certain review said, this story IS indeed different. I am not big on fics that portray Yami Yugi as the hero. I prefer Yami Yugi angst…for reasons I won't go into-

Yami Yugi: YOUR NOT EVEN WRITING THIS! SO WHY ARE YOU TALKING?!

Yami Malik: details, details, details. What's your point?

Yami Yugi: -__-U

Insane: Let me talk, Seth.

Yami Malik: Okay…

Insane: And yes…Seth is Yami Malik's REAL name. I found that out some time ago. Erm…O_o…I forgot what I was going to talk about…oh yeah. Thanks to all the reviews! ^^ -_- But my muse still hasn't returned from the other fics…-.-;; curses… And yes…I am starting this before I got 7 reviews…oh well. I was to anxious to wait.

Yami Malik: Don't own yugioh, never did. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

I walked within thin air as I pondered over my predicament. I couldn't bring myself to what I had concluded about my sin of hatred. I don't know why. It all happened so quickly. Within a matter of seconds I had lost both my pride and trust from Yugi Mouto, my hikari, my aibou, my last bit of life.  And yet…there is no one to blame other than my now broken self, a now broken soul. How I despise this day, this hour, this very minute. I hate it all. I hate the fact that I had once again received life,-sort of- and learned that there was something in this mortal filled world. Yugi. Why will he not forgive me, trust me, love me? 

Maybe I should apologize? No. I will not reduce my self to a … There I go once again. This embodiment that I live within is weak, and yet I am strong. It has indeed gone to my head, I will not deny this. I feel as if I am still the pharaoh, and that I am indeed in charge. But I have lied to myself ever since Yugi, the heir, the guardian of the puzzle, the protector, put the pieces of my once ruined Millennium Item, the Puzzle. As he guards my home, my soul room, my cage, my prison, I was to simply protect him. But instead I have used his fragile body to play a once sick, deadly, horrific game known as Duel Monsters. But I am pleased that the stakes have decreased dramatically. It is indeed a change for the better that _most_ people today use the cards as simple play things. 

Unfortunately…Not all have dropped the desires for power. Pegasus J. Crawfard/Maximillion Pegasus, you fool. You would have been dying in my palm if it had not been for Seto Kaiba. He cheated, while I played fair. 

This is not fair! I have played this game for over what? A whole millennia! And here, I lie battered, bruised, not physically…unfortunately. For I can not be hurt in such a way, but my mind –or is it soul- has been cut into two pieces. One side breathes nothing but the taste of both revenge and anger, while the other lays within Yugi now, the other side of me which found pleasure in his predicaments. That side dueled with one idea and one alone. To help Yugi in any way I could. 

Now I know. I have been consumed. Eaten. Obliterated by my own hatred. This whole thing was my fault. Not Pegasus, not Kaiba, nor my hikari's stubbornness towards anything that involves violence. My own. 

Yugi will never be reunited with his grandfather now. My fault, his loss. His cherished family relative gone in nanoseconds.

 A curse…that is what I am. If only I had cooperated with Yugi, maybe there could have been another way to beat the billionaire? Could I have saved Yugi's grandfather, possibly the young Kaiba? Mokuba… Another loss. He was to young. He never deserved to learn of the powers of the Eye. He didn't not deserve to have his heart, his soul, ripped from his very body. I wouldn't have put myself in front of the of the ray which beamed from the blasted Millennium Eye. Not then. But now…I would have gladly, I am willing. But now…I have used up my last chance. The last hope. In a way…I feel as if I…myself…have killed Yugi's loved ones, his friends, and their relatives. 

Serenity Wheeler… will go blind… I have killed her last hope, for I know deep within this darkness known as my soul room, that Joey…cant win. He shall be consumed by Pegasus... like a gazelle, he shall be eaten alive by the lion. I wish deeply that I had more faith in Yugi's best, and first, friend. I have been cursed with doubt…as well as everything else. 

And what is to stop Yugi's other friend, Ryou Bakura, from being consumed as well? Eventually he will fall into fate, he will become like the spirit in his ring. I can feel it. He is to kind, to gentle, to loving… But the darkness in his ring still lies dormant. I can feel it. The spirit may not be there, -Even though I doubt this- but the evil which had devoured the tomb robber in the first place still is. Without Bakura to absorb that dark energy, the holder will. One more fault, one more loss.

As I wait for the outcome of this "game of life" I shall try to…love…little Yugi, even when he does not love me. I just hope…that…maybe a miracle of some sort will come to pass… And Yugi's trust and me will once again be reunited… I pray for such an outcome. But my doubt has taken over… And I fear the worst is yet to come.

~*~*~*~*~

Insane:  ^____^ I like this!

Yami Bakura: He's very…

Yami Malik: in need of help..?

Yami Bakura:…yeah.

Yami Yugi: *pouts* Lemme' alone! Yuuuuugi! Forgive meeee!

Yugi: *turns back* NEVER! HAHAHAHA!

All: O_o…

Yami Yugi: ;_; tiss such a hard life…

Yami Malik:…erm…review..? O_o…need at least 5 to continue…um…eh…ya. 


	3. I may be worthless, but I have power

Wow. I never knew how beautiful the night was. Then again, I never cared. I stared out the window of the room that my slumbering hikari slept, trying to count the small glittering bursts of light. 789 Sigh. I could very well do this all night if I tried, but it gets lonesome. How I wish to fly on feathery laced wings of the brilliance of these so-called stars. Traveling without time to slow me down, without pain and sorrow to stab my heart, without everything. To engrave my name upon the sky, to know that I lived with a purpose, to lick afterlife. But these simple dreams are now nightmares, for they can never be fulfilled. Many would love the savoring taste of immortality, while I, who possess this gift, this curse, have learned that it is nothing but a burden. 

I prompted my invisible elbow upon the windowsill, I couldn't help but notice the large circular rock which had crept out of the horizon but a few hours ago. It was remarkably large for such a small piece of the galaxy. How I longed to touch it's ever so glowing rays of snow white. But I can not touch, and it hurts. I need that sense that I do indeed exist, either that I shouldn't exist at all. 

Yugi will never forgive me. And I don't blame him. If he had not cared so much for others, I would have most certainly murdered my opponent, my rival, Seto Kaiba. I would have gladly, willingly. How horrific. My mind has been plagued with these mixed thoughts. One minute I'm moaning in grief, the next explaining how psychopathic my inner self is. 

Ugh. Worthless. That's all I am. I cannot even keep my head together. My mind keeps clouding with mixed emotions. Why cant the boy forgive me?! I'm sick of this! Why can't I be the person, the spirit, who I always hoped to be? I wanted to be like my father when I grew up. I'm even worse then Bakura's yami. I am suppose to protect my people, Yugi and his friends! I have done nothing more then put their lives in danger. Curse any god, every god. I can't even think of which god to curse! Their all senile old fools! Pathetic, no good, selfish idiots! I hate them all! They cursed me! They cursed everyone WITH me! Wicked Ra! Isis! Anubis! ALL of you! Take my life, or at least what is left of it! This isn't fair! 

I'm tired of waiting, desiring, crying. If I have to stay in this wretched world then I'll do it like any other hapless spirit would do. I'll just find someone else I'll start a new. I won't make the same mistakes, I swear. 

My first little light, so precious. As I stroke your hair for the last time, I promise you I shall leave you in peace. I will save your grandfather, your best friend's sister, I have to For if I fail once more, Idon't know what I'd do I know you will defeat Mai Valentine, don't worry about that. Pegasus will be harder, but don't worry, please 

Since I no longer am wanted, I shall leave. Maybe there is someone out there Someone I can love back. Someone like you, little Yugi.

~*~

Insane: O.O Only like 500 words

Yami Malik: *cocks head* Why..?

Yami Bakura: -.-;; Is this the end? 

Yami Yugi: she left me alonein da' dark

Insane: Huh? End? Wellof THIS fic You see, this fic was but a prologue. Also, this fic was VERY hard to write since it all took place within Yami Yugi's soul room I was getting irritated when I couldn't do anything with Yami Yugi (That's the right word for the begging of the story, right? Prologue?) And it goes on to this whole other fic where Ya-

Yami Malik: STOP TELLING THEM THE FREAKIN' STORY! 

Insane: O.O I didn't say much what so ever!

Yami Malik: SO! *pants* Sheeshif ya want the continuing fic thing, just either review and say so, or just sit there and let other people review, but ya know what happens to those who wait THEY GET BORED I TELL YA! *rolls eyes* Oh yes. If enough people DO want the continuing story, which will actually have plot, the story will hopefully be up by this coming MondayAnd it will not be so much Yami Yugi point of view, but will have probably Yami Bakura point of view as well as Yami Yugi's. Cause Yami Bakura plays a big part in Yami Yugi's next fic thing *nods head* So reviewI suppose. *scratches head* UhYugi will have a much bigger part to as wellSo will Seto Kaiba mainly because of the whole "gotta beat Yami Yugi" thing, and "gotta rescue Mokuba" thing. Ryou Bakura mainly because of Yami Bakura and the darkness within his Millennium Ring WHICH I mentioned in the second chapter, Joey Wheeler because of his whole sister ordeal, and also Pegasus, cause he's like the whole Duel Monster's dude *presses fingers together* This fic wasn't a yoai just to let you know. Yami Yugi loves Yugi as a friend, not as a boyfriend Adam married Eve, NOT Steve! ^.^;; That phrase is so funny! 


End file.
